Archive for the ‘Hard Lessons’ Category

I think sometimes, because I feel it, that I’d give up my life for Those I Love; but would I, for real? Would I, when look, I am so often unwilling to give up my death for their sake?

Moments of stubborness, blind anger, gloomy silence – those moments are death-in-life, sin anticipating its wages. Poison in my cup. Yet I cling to my ridiculous selfishness, to my so-called rights, even though I know this clinging causes pain. To those I love and to my own soul. Yet I refuse to give up my Death.

Moments of irresponsibility, when I am harsh to the time I have been given. When I don’t make my time into something useful, or nurturing, or beautiful; when I neither work, nor enjoy life, nor truly rest. I just watch minutes slip away like pebbles. The death of my time is my death – and I refuse to give up my Death.

Mornings and afternoons and evenings without Him. Yet the Word is so close, so ridiculously handy. So gladly would the Word inhabit a few more minutes of my day, so gladly would He stoop down to enter my mind’s cabin! Life without Living Bread is slow death by starvation. And there are  days when I refuse to give up my self-imposed Death for Him who gave me His own life.

These are things too heavy for thought, too painful for mere remorse. Too painful for my ears – but not for His. He will help me spot them early, bury them young. Lose them in the depths of that sea of which He only knows the blessed shores.


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Today is rising from its bed threateningly; its eyes are cruel, its light hurts. “Let’s watch His mercies end before sunset”, comes the whisper. “Let’s prove them deceiving. Can’t you see the pain is still here? Let’s prove His Word a lie.”

I marvel at the strange story my life has become: I’m grateful every day to my enemy  for the new fun it unwillingly brings. Under a new form it comes every morning, trying to fool me, and this new form I can never predict. What a funny mask you put on, Today! But I won’t be your fool. You’re not scaring me in the least – your ignorance makes me smile. Don’t you know His mercies have no end? They outnumber by far, oh by far, your countless faces.

You have a sunrise and a sunset, and clouds between them:  He will give me the morning star. He will give me a sunset whose glorious glow knows no night. All His evenings will be tearless; and I will watch my friends the stars dance.

Even the love you give, Today, is golden coins whose other side is sorrow. His Day will bring abundance of gold that sings underfoot: golden street to walk on, never alone. For I will walk side by side with Love Itself, all its beauty surrounding me like sea breeze! Oh to think of that never-ending, Never-Ending walk! Today, Today! I’ll make you my friend: happy eyes are generous even  unto enemies.

So keep frowning if you like, keep threatening me with the endlessness of your desert skies. This is a mere mask. Today, by grace, I won’t be fooled.

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