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Archive for the ‘Confessions’ Category

I think sometimes, because I feel it, that I’d give up my life for Those I Love; but would I, for real? Would I, when look, I am so often unwilling to give up my death for their sake?

Moments of stubborness, blind anger, gloomy silence – those moments are death-in-life, sin anticipating its wages. Poison in my cup. Yet I cling to my ridiculous selfishness, to my so-called rights, even though I know this clinging causes pain. To those I love and to my own soul. Yet I refuse to give up my Death.

Moments of irresponsibility, when I am harsh to the time I have been given. When I don’t make my time into something useful, or nurturing, or beautiful; when I neither work, nor enjoy life, nor truly rest. I just watch minutes slip away like pebbles. The death of my time is my death – and I refuse to give up my Death.

Mornings and afternoons and evenings without Him. Yet the Word is so close, so ridiculously handy. So gladly would the Word inhabit a few more minutes of my day, so gladly would He stoop down to enter my mind’s cabin! Life without Living Bread is slow death by starvation. And there are  days when I refuse to give up my self-imposed Death for Him who gave me His own life.

These are things too heavy for thought, too painful for mere remorse. Too painful for my ears – but not for His. He will help me spot them early, bury them young. Lose them in the depths of that sea of which He only knows the blessed shores.

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