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Archive for November, 2010

Great Things…

Great things indeed. I am thankful beyond words for J. S. Bach. Bach the Great, the Ocean.

I am positively afraid to try to write about Bach’s music. But while I lack the theoretical understanding of his mastery as a composer, I feel so blessed because I can genuinely enjoy his magnificent works. And be nourished and transformed inside – in which ways, I do not know. All I know is Bach’s music opens my eyes to the wonders of the unseen world my soul calls Home. A world that has been there from the beginning, before my earthly loves were born; a world large enough to contain, transfigure and redeem them all. Bach makes me want to get there sooner, and teaches me to laugh at death.

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Sometimes I hear a fearful whisper say

You will give deadly snakes instead of fish

You will allow unnecessary pain

And all my lonely hopes will turn to dust


Will it be a diamond, my mind asks

Or will it be a simple river stone?

Yet Lord, I know that coming from Your hand

All river stones are precious beyond price


Sometimes I hear a fearful whisper say

You will forget my story after all

You will somehow get tired of my sin

Somehow refuse to hear me when I call


How well I know all that will never be!

That sign of nail is glue enough to keep

our hands together for this very day

and for eternity


Not only don’t You want to walk away

You cannot do it – all You are says so!

You paid too high a price to make me Yours

Too high a price to ever let me go

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unreasonably sunny autumn, this year…

every single golden leaf

words of encouragement

bittersweetness of missing

laptops

laughter

glasses being invented before I was born

being led by the hand, eyes closed, to see  ‘all gold, a moon of gold!’

being a sister

a stubborn, chronic sense of being blessed

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I think sometimes, because I feel it, that I’d give up my life for Those I Love; but would I, for real? Would I, when look, I am so often unwilling to give up my death for their sake?

Moments of stubborness, blind anger, gloomy silence – those moments are death-in-life, sin anticipating its wages. Poison in my cup. Yet I cling to my ridiculous selfishness, to my so-called rights, even though I know this clinging causes pain. To those I love and to my own soul. Yet I refuse to give up my Death.

Moments of irresponsibility, when I am harsh to the time I have been given. When I don’t make my time into something useful, or nurturing, or beautiful; when I neither work, nor enjoy life, nor truly rest. I just watch minutes slip away like pebbles. The death of my time is my death – and I refuse to give up my Death.

Mornings and afternoons and evenings without Him. Yet the Word is so close, so ridiculously handy. So gladly would the Word inhabit a few more minutes of my day, so gladly would He stoop down to enter my mind’s cabin! Life without Living Bread is slow death by starvation. And there are  days when I refuse to give up my self-imposed Death for Him who gave me His own life.

These are things too heavy for thought, too painful for mere remorse. Too painful for my ears – but not for His. He will help me spot them early, bury them young. Lose them in the depths of that sea of which He only knows the blessed shores.

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A Star of Mine

There’s anger in the air, cold fear inside

all tired and heavy is the April night

when suddenly I see a planet wink

 

The world is right again, the mind can think…

 

My happy star, this instant is but ours-

just you and me and He who made us both

who placed me here, who cast you far above,

 

and when He comes this near, as He just has,

I am no longer fire and fear and dust

but only silence, endless music, love.

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Redeemed

She who used to weep, she who sings

once homeless, now all her insides echoing

‘I’ve found my home with You’-

Does she still bear that old name?

Nothing could fill the abyss between now and then

I will never be the same

 

And who could measure the depth of this endless wonder

that has come over me?

But for the sun on my face I would say I am dreaming –

Me, loved?

Day after day, till death and beyond?

 

If this were a dream, I’d choose to never wake up again

 

And it’s a dream indeed, for I am sleeping in His death

I live a life not of this place

the choice has been made

 

Not mine – all His,

Before the world began

 

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Today

Today is rising from its bed threateningly; its eyes are cruel, its light hurts. “Let’s watch His mercies end before sunset”, comes the whisper. “Let’s prove them deceiving. Can’t you see the pain is still here? Let’s prove His Word a lie.”

I marvel at the strange story my life has become: I’m grateful every day to my enemy  for the new fun it unwillingly brings. Under a new form it comes every morning, trying to fool me, and this new form I can never predict. What a funny mask you put on, Today! But I won’t be your fool. You’re not scaring me in the least – your ignorance makes me smile. Don’t you know His mercies have no end? They outnumber by far, oh by far, your countless faces.

You have a sunrise and a sunset, and clouds between them:  He will give me the morning star. He will give me a sunset whose glorious glow knows no night. All His evenings will be tearless; and I will watch my friends the stars dance.

Even the love you give, Today, is golden coins whose other side is sorrow. His Day will bring abundance of gold that sings underfoot: golden street to walk on, never alone. For I will walk side by side with Love Itself, all its beauty surrounding me like sea breeze! Oh to think of that never-ending, Never-Ending walk! Today, Today! I’ll make you my friend: happy eyes are generous even  unto enemies.

So keep frowning if you like, keep threatening me with the endlessness of your desert skies. This is a mere mask. Today, by grace, I won’t be fooled.



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